On Standing Still

11 weeks of late night phone calls, midday skype lunches, and weekend plane rides. It's almost sad to say that we are falling into the routine of a long distance marriage. Leaving the airport this time, my tears dried up before I reached the 408 toll road. I go to sleep to her voice on my phone and text her at first waking. "Good morning, how di dyou sleep?" We share our bad dreams, our good dreams, our schedules for the day, missing the bus, and makeup choices for the day. We txt through process meetings, sweeping hair off of floors, the commute home, me by foot, her on the bus. It's easy with the certainty that we are doing this for our future and failure is not an option. Our skype date is starting . . .

The Wifes New Do

A month after we first met, I cut all of my hair off for the umpteeth time. The wife hated it! Now we've switched places and she is exploring the wonders of her natural hair. Never thought I would see this day.

The wife with natural hair


Me now


Me with natural hair

Serenity

If only I could keep up, keep this thing called life in check, then I would be better. The visit was short but amazing. Never should we go six weeks without seeing each other again. Distance does make the heart grow fonder but there is a point where fondness descends into a sort of madness in missing the other person. I have my feelings but God has her will. I am following the will and trying no to let my cyclical emotions get the best of me. At work and in marriage they seem to turn on a dime depending what and how someone says or does something to me. I seek serenity if I cant find harmony, it keeps things in perspective.

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Tonight is a night for Nina. Working 13 days on, one day off, four more days till my weekend, and my wife is coming to visit. Everyday is performance, an intricate dance in and around everyone to prove that I belong. Not seeing anyone that looks like me for weeks. The mask is cracking.
I've anticipated this visit for the past few weeks and it alarms me that I only feel trepadation. Fear of having to perform in the one place that gives me comfort. I am not the same woman I was six weeks ago. This experince has me flat on my face like a baby just beginning to scoot.
Sometimes though when we can't muster the emotional or mental, we just have to appreciate the physical and hope that it can carry us.

Oh Florida

Florida is a lover I can't let go. She woos me with her incessant summer, harvest moons, and monsoon season. First taking me at the tender age of 17, so pliable to her hospitality. It was here that I became a woman. In this place heartbreak, vengance, confusion, and dispair along with expectation, excitement, hope, and love came knocking on my door. She cradled me those nights I cried myself to sleep, fucked the pain away, and painted the first morning sun. I'm hoping my return is as profound as my introduction.

700 Mile Situation

It's been a minute but I got to bring it back. Six months to digest being a wife and now I'm a long distance wife living 1000 miles away. This blog was originally to be a living document of our wedding process, but there is so much more to marriage that only time can teach you. The title is a Res song that keeps playing over and over as I think about the near and immediate future.
I now live in Mount Dora, Florida about 30 miles from Orlando. One week into an entry level hair stylist position that I love and Skyping it up with the wife. Knowing we'll be apart longer than we were together is a strange idea as newlyweds. We imagined walking along Lake Michigan at sunrise, having candlelit dinners on our living room floor in front of the fake fireplace, having our first child on our first wedding anniversary.
All the while we were making plans, God was laughing at us. So now this blog is a journal of married life in a 1000 mile situation.

The Lessons in Michelle Obama's Hips

STOP IT!!!! I am deathly tired of everyone talking about this woman's hips in everything she wears. She knows they're there. She, and I, wake up every morning and look at them unadorned while deciding just how we feel about them that day. To all the flat butt women and skinny bone chasing men out there let her be.

Now I normally don't rant and rave about things like this but looking at her in this fabulous black hip hugging dress reminded me of trying on mermaid wedding dresses a couple of months ago. I just happen to be shaped like Mrs. Obama; small upper body, smallish waist, wide hips, and a high substantial backside. A figure that I thought would be banging in a mermaid dress. But alas, none of the dresses that could have fit my upper body made it past my 41 in. hips. It was a frustrating notion to realize that the designers and by extension the public thought I was supposed to be ashamed of and hide what my mama gave me.

Now I found the dream dress and it was fly as hell, but I wish the experience of trying on dresses wasn't so traumatic. Hips, thighs, booty and all those other womanly curves should be celebrated and displayed in anyway the owner desires without a chorus of haters. I hope Mrs. Obama keeps those fierce curves on display so that more women are comfortable accentuating them.

Photo credit: Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images

Constant Outing

As a two woman marriage, life can get pretty funny. I'm all the way out, like so far out of the closet I was never in it. On the other hand Ms. J used to be so far in the closet that it might not have had a door on it, although we are now meeting in the middle.

Our professional lives are so deeply contrasted that sometimes I have to remind myself to tone it down. Everyone at my job knows we got married and has seen the pictures. No one at her job knows I exist but the folks in HR who processed our benefit papers.

But somehow living in these parallel extremes works for us. It forces us to be present in the moment at exactly where we are. My job is so liberal it's a non-issue, it's a non-issue at hers because they don't know.

As much as the activist, or more likely 18 year old babydyke in me wants to think that it's wrong and she should be demonstrably proud that I am her wife. But adulthood takes over and makes me realize that our marriage is ours and how we express it is ours too. Not everyone needs to know.

But everyone I tell seems to giggle and squirm and ask to see pics. They get a hopeful gleam and sometimes their voices falter in surprise, but it's usually the good kind.

New Life, New Focus

There is nothing like married life. I don't think people understand just how different playing house is from marriage. Even though ours is not legally binding, standing before God and our loved ones to pledge our committment to each other has transformed our relationship. We've been dancing around each other, testing to see if that committment would be the end of our fun, freewheeling non-relationship. Seeing that we spent 5 months dating, 3 months in a relationship and 4 months engaged, it was kinda scary to realize this is it. Divorce is not an option.

I am no longer a bride, now I'm a wife. The fun begins.

Lowdown: The Vendors

Our wedding was majorly blessed. It was 62 degrees on December 27th in Chicago. Our vendors were on point and on time. Major thanks and props to the following

Cake: Bittersweet Bakery

Sue Ann is the best! She was so attentive to my stressed out bride self and I'm still hearing about how good the hazelnut cake/strawberry filling/vanilla buttercreme was.

Flowers: Fragrant Design

Nadine worked wonders on my piddly flower budget and has a great eye for what looks good in photos.

DJ: Matthew Brown aka DJ Toure
I went to 7 and 8th grade and all of high school and college with this young man. He used to get the club crunk back in the Usual Suspect's at Baja's Beach Club days (2005-2006) so I knew that he had the talent and musical taste to set the mood for our wedding. He is friend and I know that is taboo but I only associate with go getters and his talents made the event!

Photography: Kelsie Kliner the next big thing. The wedding glossies lways warn brides from using novice photogs but after seeing her (non-wedding) portfolio at work one day I was struck by how she captured light and how she was able to draw out the essence of the moment in her pictures. As a true artist, she see's like I see.

Event Decor: My Mommy!!!!!!! Her name is Susan Harris and she is the Leadership Events Planner of a medical association. It is great to have a mother who does events professionally. She gave her services as a wedding gift and everything went so smoothly and amazingly. I don't think she was too stressed (I hope) and I knew that everything would be perfect.


Food: Adobo Grill. Delish!!!!! They have the best guacamole ever and boy did we max on it!

Venue: Pressure Point Recording Studio. Chris, Adrian, Carlos and the interns made this day so great with their set up and help. We even took over their office to get dressed. They made me double drinks all night and were the best hosts.

Rev. Al on Prop 8

I promise to make myself sit down and commit the wedding to this screen.

But right now the Huffington Post gets kudos for printing this quote from Rev. Al Sharpton. What I want to know is why wasn't he in the church before Prop 8 and the other Amendments in AZ and FLA? Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.

"It amazes me," he said, "when I looked at California and saw churches that had nothing to say about police brutality, nothing to say when a young black boy was shot while he was wearing police handcuffs, nothing to say when they overturned affirmative action, nothing to say when people were being [relegated] into poverty, yet they were organizing and mobilizing to stop consenting adults from choosing their life partners."

"I am tired," he went on, "of seeing ministers who will preach homophobia by day, and then after they're preaching, when the lights are off they go cruising for trade...We know you're not preaching the Bible, because if you were preaching the Bible we would have heard from you. We would have heard from you when people were starving in California--when they deregulated the economy and crashed Wall Street you had nothing to say. When [accused Ponzi scammer] Madoff made off with the money, you had nothing to say. When Bush took us to war chasing weapons of mass destruction that weren't there you had nothing to say.

More pictures

Still no words to describe it. I've tried and erased but still can't do it. One thing though, describes everything; one of my mothers dogs chewed up our guestbook. After that what can I say. We will be married till we're old and grey, talking about other people through our dentures.

Photos!

Our photographer is amazing!!!!! Her name is Kelsie Kliner and she is not a pro wedding photographer (yet!). She is a graduating senior at DePaul University and a former intern at the Hyde Park Art Center. Her images captured the vision and experience of our wedding perfectly. She was so professional and stealthy that I don't remember seeing her most of the night. Thank you Kelsie!

Teaser

My best friends dad took some amazing pictures! He was our unofficial second shooter, so here's a teaser of the ceremony.