Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Tonight is a night for Nina. Working 13 days on, one day off, four more days till my weekend, and my wife is coming to visit. Everyday is performance, an intricate dance in and around everyone to prove that I belong. Not seeing anyone that looks like me for weeks. The mask is cracking.
I've anticipated this visit for the past few weeks and it alarms me that I only feel trepadation. Fear of having to perform in the one place that gives me comfort. I am not the same woman I was six weeks ago. This experince has me flat on my face like a baby just beginning to scoot.
Sometimes though when we can't muster the emotional or mental, we just have to appreciate the physical and hope that it can carry us.