Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Constant Outing

As a two woman marriage, life can get pretty funny. I'm all the way out, like so far out of the closet I was never in it. On the other hand Ms. J used to be so far in the closet that it might not have had a door on it, although we are now meeting in the middle.

Our professional lives are so deeply contrasted that sometimes I have to remind myself to tone it down. Everyone at my job knows we got married and has seen the pictures. No one at her job knows I exist but the folks in HR who processed our benefit papers.

But somehow living in these parallel extremes works for us. It forces us to be present in the moment at exactly where we are. My job is so liberal it's a non-issue, it's a non-issue at hers because they don't know.

As much as the activist, or more likely 18 year old babydyke in me wants to think that it's wrong and she should be demonstrably proud that I am her wife. But adulthood takes over and makes me realize that our marriage is ours and how we express it is ours too. Not everyone needs to know.

But everyone I tell seems to giggle and squirm and ask to see pics. They get a hopeful gleam and sometimes their voices falter in surprise, but it's usually the good kind.