Monday, December 15, 2008

Insomnia and Old Poetry

How did I get here?

Did a search to find some old (way old) poetry on this website. Me and an ex that shall remain nameless (she know who she is) used to post religiously. Now that relationship/non-relationship was hell on wheels and put me through almost every relationship horror you could think of. I read the progression of love, anger, bitterness, and drama that happened. The last vestiges of that relationship ended about two and a half years ago, but it seemed as if the emotional roller coaster would never end. At the precipice of getting married, I feel compelled to review and make sure I learned all of the lessons of my past. Although that woman literally almost drove me crazy (Sunshine Manor anyone?) I am forever thankful for the experience. I learned that I could never love someone if I didn't first love myself. The craziness went on for four years too long because I loved her more than myself. I accepted being treated terribly because I didn't believe I deserved better. In that state I could have never accepted the love that Ms. J gives me everyday. Somewhere along the way I became the person that I am supposed to be for her, but more specifically for me. I am so much more than I was then. There is so much that I can't say about those years but I made it through the fire.

Now maybe this reflection will help me with those vows :)

1 comments:

DJ Acrojam December 21, 2008 at 11:24 PM  

Sunshine manner for real? Well I'm glad things worked out for you in the end.