Amazed

I love her with every fiber of my being. This blackberry isn't enough for me to express everything that happened yesterday. But when we get back from NOLA I'll break it down.

5 minutes

Sitting here in my dress I'm so nervous I can't remember my vows. Lord help me!
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We Move Heaven and Earth

The day has started out as it should. An anti-histamine induced fog, my absolutely wonderful hairstylist getting stuck in zero visibility weather, and a cabbie who almost hit a Yukon. But the folks at Honey Child have done a miracle that I will always remember. I am sitting under the dryer after an amazing shampoo. The owner Bambi came in to style me. Customer service at its best. So at least for this 45 minutes of peaceful dryer time I am calm, relaxed, and thankful.



As for the raining, flooding, and 60 degree temps in December, I'm looking forward to a long marriage that moves heaven and earth.

Day Before Allergies

I'm spending the night before in a wonderfully modern hotel room contemplating why I suddenly developed an allergy. Woke up this morning with an angry face of bumps and welts. Figured that they would go away. Then I finally reach the hotel, after the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and doing my aunts hair, only to realize they had gotten much worse. So two Benadryl and a prayer that I can wake up in time for my pedi and hair. The wedding will be blogged.

OMG

We popped a bottle of Moet last night to celebrate our first Christmas Eve! 2 days, 50 degree weather in Chicago, and whole heaps of food, this is the best Christmas a girl could ever ask for. My dress is cleaned and pressed, I'll be checking into the Blackstone Hotel tomorrow afternoon and having a rehearsal. My girls will be here! I am ready minus floorcloth and sash.But today it's time to grub.

Stop Snowing!

Wow, I will be married in 4 days.

Don't know if that fact has sunk in but I know that my stress has hit that 4 day mark. From falling on my butt in the mall to driving through this slush that Mayor Daley refuses to plow, I have cussed out most of the people around me. I'm a control freak and in no way do I have control of this event. Everybody expects something and there is only so much I can bend to.

Met with the DJ yesterday. It's amazing that I have known him since I was 11 and when to some of elementary, high school, and college with him So we might hear some Tallahassee hits circa 2001 and Baja's with the Usual Suspects. Oh to be in college again :)

9 days

The hair decision . . . I'm going to get both! I'm getting it cut like Kelis and then styled like Rihanna for the actual wedding. Got to return to my roots of funky hair.

The necklace is done and now just have to bang out the earrings. The attendants jewelry is almost done. Now if I could just get this floor cloth done we'll be doing just peachy.

PG-13 alert! Now I've been debating on sharing this but I'll try to be PC. What in the hell possessed me to do pre-wedding celibacy for a month? Especially a month where I've only had one off day so far and the next one is tomorrow in which I'm driving to the suburbs after a snow storm to get my nails done and then returning to a city to have my hair done. Was I completely batshit?! But maybe that's what honeymoons are for :) This must be the makings of Bridezilla because my stress level is way up and my patience is way down, but my arms and glutes look great courtesy of the Bar Method. And I think that my morning workout is the only thing saving everyone from my celibacy induced Bridezillaness.

Vows, hair . . . Check

The vows are done! Yay! I'll actually have time to memorize them because I absolutely hate to see people standing in front of each other at a wedding reading off some tacky note cards.


So for the hair it's gonna be either of these





Which one?

Insomnia and Old Poetry

How did I get here?

Did a search to find some old (way old) poetry on this website. Me and an ex that shall remain nameless (she know who she is) used to post religiously. Now that relationship/non-relationship was hell on wheels and put me through almost every relationship horror you could think of. I read the progression of love, anger, bitterness, and drama that happened. The last vestiges of that relationship ended about two and a half years ago, but it seemed as if the emotional roller coaster would never end. At the precipice of getting married, I feel compelled to review and make sure I learned all of the lessons of my past. Although that woman literally almost drove me crazy (Sunshine Manor anyone?) I am forever thankful for the experience. I learned that I could never love someone if I didn't first love myself. The craziness went on for four years too long because I loved her more than myself. I accepted being treated terribly because I didn't believe I deserved better. In that state I could have never accepted the love that Ms. J gives me everyday. Somewhere along the way I became the person that I am supposed to be for her, but more specifically for me. I am so much more than I was then. There is so much that I can't say about those years but I made it through the fire.

Now maybe this reflection will help me with those vows :)

Not Ready

I'm not ready.
This wedding has been in the planning for about 4 months and I can honestly say that in 12 days I will be marrying my soul mate, but I'm not ready. Nothing is finished, I can't find the right words for my vows (I wonder if she'll let me dance my vows), the dress is still at the cleaners. All sorts of hell is breaking loose because in all actuality I only have 6 days to get this thing rolling. HELP!

16 days

My house is clean and it is snowing in New Orleans!

I'm taking stock of everything. How a year ago today I was grieving one of the most important men in my life who I didn't get to say goodbye to. He knew how much I loved him and hoped he knew just how much he influenced my being. The ability to be an out lesbian, openly professing my faith, openly questioning doctrine and dogma, loving myself through the tough times. I think he is somewhere over my shoulder orchestrating this joining.

I wish he could be there and walk me down the aisle with my father to the woman I think he knew I was destined for.

I came back to Chicago on December 1st for his homegoing service. I met her on the 17th and didn't intend on staying in Chicago, but soon after we met I knew she was the one. Thank you Anthony. I love you. I know you will be dancing down the aisle with me.

My Girls

Am I really the first one getting married?

3 inches of Hair

So . . . 18 days. My hair is waaaaaaay too long in the back and I am fighting the urge to cut my hair boy short for the wedding, like this (this is me after my last birthday)


The fiancee somehow managed to convince me to grow it so it now looks like this (although this pic is a year old)



And would absolutely murdalize me if I cut it. So I'm fighting between this


and a mohawkish style like this

Location

A Million Thanks

To the fabulous planners who held Cocktails & Details on Thursday I haven't forgotten you. Thank you for answering the few lingering, nagging questions I had about this wedding in 19 days.

Liene from Blue Orchid Designs
Andria Lewis of Andria Lewis Events
Aletha Vandermaas of Pearl Events
Isis Petire of Posh Events, LLC

and of course Terrica of Fabuluxe Events, Inc

They gave me some absolutely fabulous ideas for the flow of the event and our exit. They also inspired me to loose the attitude over the fact that the guest list is so over the limit that the event I envisioned is not the event we will have. Their knowledge was invaluable. I think they will be holding another one on December 11, but don't quote me. So head over to Fabuluxe and check out the soiree page.

Straight Camp

I about cried when I saw this.  Now I consider myself fairly religious and very gay, and always wondered about how oxymoronic that predicament was.  But Jack Black as Jesus is classic

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die